Articles

"If you think you can" - Unknown

If you think you are beaten you are;
If you think you dare not you don't.
If you want to win but think you can't;
it's almost a cinch you won't.

If you think you'll lose you're lost;
For out of this world we find.
Success begins with a fellow's will;
It's all a state of mind.

For many a race is lost;
Ere even a step is run.
A many a coward fails;
Ere even their work is begun.

Think big and your dreams will grow;
Think small and you'll fall behind;
Think that you can and you will;
It's all in the state of mind.

If you think you're outclassed you are;
You've got to think high to rise;
You've got to be sure of yourself before;
You can even win a prize.

Life's battles don't always go;
To the stronger and faster man,
But sooner or later the man who wins;
Is the person who thinks they can!

"A 10 Step Guide to Identify what you Need and Improve how you Feel" by Hannah Vallance

1. IDENTIFY WHAT’S IMPORTANT TO YOU
How much advice do we get to make sure we eat the right things, drink the right number of alcohol units, save our money in the right places, and wear the right clothes for our shape? But how much time do you spend thinking about what values, beliefs and attitudes are right for you? If you are clear what your values are you are in a much better position to make informed choices about what to have, and what to avoid, in your life. Hostility or resentment can often occur when one person does not behave as you want them to. It can make it a lot easier to accept these differences if you are clear about what your priorities are.

2. EVALUATE WHAT IT MEANS TO YOU
Once you have identified what it is that is important to you, try to think about how this matches the main situations in your life. List some key descriptors associated with each, for instance, for work you might have, ‘competitive’, or ‘undemanding’. If you have identified that it is important to function collaboratively, then working in an environment you have described as ‘competitive’ might be a cause of disharmony.

If there are large discrepancies between what you value, and what you are experiencing, you will experience internal conflict, which can create physical and psychological symptoms associated with stress.

3. LISTEN TO YOURSELF
It’s all too easy to ignore what we are trying to tell ourselves. But quite simply, if we feel anxious, it’s because there is something up ahead that is threatening. If we feel unhappy, it’s because some or all our needs are not being met. We don’t feel things for now reason, and ignoring it won’t make the reasons go away.

Rather than dismissing the signs, really pay attention. Accept that you wouldn’t be feeling it if it wasn’t important. Try to identify the thoughts that underlie your feelings, as they are the key to knowing what it is that’s making you feel the way you do.

4. ACCEPT WHAT YOU FEEL
Most people are very good friends to others. You are there to support them when they need you. What most people are not nearly so good at is supporting themselves. When things start getting difficult, you start to say ‘pull yourself to pull yourself together’, ‘stop being weak,’ ‘everyone else can cope, why can’t you?’ Next time something happens which makes you feel low, imagine you are a friend. Would you make them search for sticks to beat themselves with?

5. RECOGNISE THE REALITY
Many of us have relationships that we recognise on some instinctive level aren’t right for us (which is why we feel unhappy or resentful), but seem reluctant to accept. It’s ok to recognise that something isn’t working for you, but the fact that you are still in it means, that on some level, it serves a purpose. Do you know what that purpose is?

6. RELEASE WHAT’S NOT WORKING
Letting go can be very difficult. We hang on to friends and relationships often for a lot longer than is good for us. Sometimes out of guilt, sometimes out of habit, or because we don’t want to rock the boat. But if you’re honest, you know when something doesn’t fit anymore.

It can often take more courage to stop doing things, to recognise it’s not working and a call it a day, then it is to keep on persevering. You will have made an investment, and to walk away can be really tough. There will come a point where you feel less resistant to the idea of moving on. Don’t let it pass.

7. GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION
Giving yourself permission is about putting yourself first sometimes. Most people react to that, assume it’s a terribly selfish way to be. But really, what is wrong with being selfish sometimes? Saying no when things don’t suit you, can be very liberating. Overcome the guilt by knowing that when you agree to do something because you genuinely want to, rather than because you feel you have to, you will do it with far more generosity and good humour, which will have a positive impact on others.

We look to others for permission, ‘should I really buy those shoes?’, ‘Do you think I should phone up and cancel?’ But you know the answer just as well as the person you have asked. Learn to feel comfortable skipping that phase, and let telling yourself its ok be enough.

8. BE OPEN
Being open about your thoughts and feelings allows other to do the same. Everyone knows that talking about things helps; it makes you feel better to know that someone else agrees with you, would have felt, or done the same. When you are feeling unhappy or angry, tell someone, and it releases some of that negativity from within you. And as a friend, they implicitly agree to take some of the anger for you, to feel some of your pain and anger on your behalf, so you don’t have to shoulder it by yourself.

Some people can be reluctant to share their feelings. They don’t want to burden others, don’t feel they have the right to inflict themselves on well meaning friends. But it’s worth remembering that when you have listened to others and supported them, it’s made you feel needed and useful, like you are really helping. And that’s how other people feel too.

9. COMMUNICATE WHAT YOU ARE THINKING
Sometimes we choose not to say things because we don’t want to risk confrontation, or upsetting someone, or give too much away. But whether we verbalise or not, we are letting people know what we think all the time. Think about when you have been late to meet a friend. You say you are sorry, she says ‘that’s ok’. You both know it’s not ok, you can tell she is annoyed. But she doesn’t tell you how annoyed she is, because she values your friendship. So she tries to hide it, but at the same time lets you know how she feels.

Giving clear, honest, open feedback can be uncomfortable at times, because we are used to relying on these non-overt ways of communicating our feelings. But sometimes they can be open to misinterpretation or the person you are dealing with might not be very good at picking up on your signals.

10. TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR EMOTIONS
You put yourself in a vulnerable position when you can no longer control how you are reacting. You may say or do things you regret, which later you will put down to the ‘heat of the moment’. A good trick to fooling our emotions is to control the physical response. If you feel angry, you might clench your fists, breathe more quickly, and show it in your eyes. This is the physical manifestation of the anger you are feeling, which is the emotional manifestation of the thoughts you have had. If you consciously influence your physical reaction, by relaxing your hands, slowing your breathing, ‘softening your eyes’ (it does really work!), it confuses your body. The reduction of physical symptoms lessens of the emotion e.g. the anger starts to dissipate.

The thoughts that triggered the response may well still be there, and if you choose to dwell on them, the chain reaction will start again. Thoughts need attention for the emotion to grow, so consciously try to think about something else, and the feeling will lose its power. This will give you more strength to work out what is really going on to make you feel that way.

“Spring cleaning the mind - the joys and pitfalls" by Sarah Oakley

It’s that time again… time to get out the hoover, fetch the rubber gloves, and grab your duster for the all important spring clean! Many of us dread the task for weeks on end, reason being, the further we delve the more we’re going to find. However as we get into the task and rid our abode of unwanted clutter we feel both immense satisfaction and relief.

So how about bringing this philosophy even further home? How about delving into the depths of not just your pantry but your own mind? Readers it’s time to “spring clean your mind”

How on earth do I do that? I hear you say. May I suggest to you the art of meditation? I may have already lost a few readers, whilst others are busy conjuring up images of twisting into inhuman positions, chanting dulcet tones or sitting in dark caves for months on end. I can’t say this doesn’t happen, I’m actually kind of partial to it myself, but I can ensure you that meditation has many forms, only the theme remains the same… creating clarity through calm.

Why Meditate? Meditation is used to ease and open the mind, as well as for healing purposes. The benefits of meditation are vast; as a form of alternative medicine, meditation brings about mental calmness and physical relaxation. Meditation works to suspend the stream of thoughts that often occupy the mind and reside in the body. Therefore the body can learn to deal with stress and illness before they route themselves as a problem. In deep meditation each part of the body, even the individual cells are taught to relax and rejuvenate. This may seem radical to you however the techniques and exercises have been tried and tested and successfully included in people’s lives for thousands of years.

What is Meditation? This is where it becomes more difficult: Meditation can mean different things to different people. Nowadays many turn to meditation as a coping strategy for life and its pressures, where negative tendencies can be consciously replaced with positive thoughts. For you it may be that you are interested in finding ways to reduce stress and to relax, or it may be that you may want to explore the spiritual side to meditation. Whether you choose Transcendental Meditation, Buddhist Visualization, Christian prayer, tai chi or yoga, all you need is an open mind and the resolve to give the practice a proper go.

Warning! Like the spring clean, as we look underneath the surface many of us will realise the depth of clutter to be removed. Meditation is no simple task but with regular practice comes unprecedented fulfilment – felt not only by yourself but those around you.